The Sickness

My ankle still hurts from early hours Sunday morning, I got so drunk that I threw up again and I was so embarrassed that I fled, left my shirt and my hat, my dignity too. Running so fast that I stumbled in my platform shoes on the stairs, it happened so fast and I was on the floor.

Heartbreak is like a sickness you can’t quite shake. I still feel sick every single day. My body feels sick when I eat now because it’s forgotten what to do with food. All it knows is hollow emptiness. My heart burns up at the thought of you and I must admit that’s pretty often. This sickness has me blind to life, blind to anything that isn’t memories of you holding me.

And I hate it! Oh how I hate myself for it. I don’t want to think of you but its all I can do, I wanna heal, I wanna breathe, feel anything that doesn’t resemble dread or being drunk but I drink so that I forget but the whiskey just makes me see you more clearly. I try to run from it, I walk for hours, take pictures that I hope will convince the world and myself that I’m happy but in the end I only end up running back to the truth.

The truth is I’m lonely and I miss you, I can’t deny that.

Lovesick and broken.

Right now I have no idea what the cure is, all I know is that I am somewhere far, far away from it.

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