not so cool, calm & collected

33 day’s I had waited to see his face, I wanted to write about it but I’ve left it too long and now the memory has gone along with the words and what I had said.

I just remember drowning, drowning us both in a flood I was creating myself. I broke the dam and I couldn’t stop it.

33 days of ocean storm emotions, crashing down on us inside his car.

Waves crashing into his chest, breaking him, I was breaking him with my broken heart.

I remember his face, the sadness in his eyes, tears down his face and I hate myself for that.

I didn’t mean to, I’d missed him too much but the alcohol had taken control.

33 days of imaginary conversations only to not remember a single real spoken word, well…

besides the words ‘I still love you’

I told him I still love him…

I don’t even remember how he responded to that but I am sorry for saying it.

I wasn’t fair.

After the exhaustion of treading water for what felt like hours, I finally opened the car door at past 3am and let all the water out.


33 day’s just to break. 33 day’s just to drown us.

2 thoughts on “not so cool, calm & collected

    1. thank you, finding happiness doesn’t seem to be the problem, it’s the having it stick around part that does! ha but! I haven’t given up this far and I always live in hope 🙂 thanks for taking time to read and comment!


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